Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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