if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
