we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize