Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
