separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
