they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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