She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
In America we eat man semen.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
