my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
