well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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