Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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