i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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