So drunk its hurt
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
