this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
