You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
