she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
