I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
