Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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