some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think my tv is drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I stole a fireplace last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
