My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
