Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
soo... how was my night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize