I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
