On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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