So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
