our cab driver is having phone sex.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
