We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
