Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Terrible idea I love it
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
