I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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