I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
