oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize