Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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