I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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