am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
