It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
