I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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