Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
