Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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