I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
