it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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