I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
