god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
