no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize