Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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