Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
