he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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