let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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