if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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