the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
