he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
