sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
