sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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