I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
