I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
