Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
