look no pants
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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