you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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