I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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