I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize