I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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