I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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