I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize