You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
