Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
