Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
