she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
