The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
