We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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