just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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