Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
