I love black thongs
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize