It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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