Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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