Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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