best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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