so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize