And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
