she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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