If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize