I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
sarcasm needs its own font
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
