Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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