We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
