Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
