Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
