i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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