i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
