Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
