My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Please don't give away my fajitas
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