Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
