i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
a search helicopter?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
