apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
3 2 1 whiskey
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
