i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
