there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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