I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
