Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
