Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
